Life is full of lessons, it always teaches you something very new that you never thought of it before. We just have to believe that, whatever happens, happens for a reason and that reason is always something good for ourselves.
So since the title says new beginning, yes i think its a new beginning after learning a very big lesson of my life, a lesson that no matter how much other person spreads bad thing about you and does bad things to you, you just need to have trust in Allah pak. I read an ayat of Quran that says ” Aur Allah jissay chahay izzat de aur jissay chahay zilat de” i have learnt that its Allah who protects you, even if the whole world is againsg you and Allah is with you then nothing can harm you. It took me sometime to have my faith and believe in Him only.
Secondly the other lesson that i have learnt is, there always comes a time in your life when you suddenly become alone, no family, no friends, noone. Its just your and your Allah then you realize that its Allah who has been holdong you for so long. Its Him you should believe and its Him who answers you whenever you call Him. And you should expect only and only from him, unfortunately we learn these things when someone we trust, and beleive in lets us down. Then we realize that we only belong to Allah and noone else. Then we become closer to Him only and we stop caring for people and start caring for Allah. I believe this becomes the best time of your life.
When you just try your best to please Alah only you suddenly feel free and you find the inner peace……
Well, So life goes on, so is mine and i have landed in Surgery rotation of my internship. Amongst all the rotations that i have, I never wanted to choose neurosurgery. I remember i have been trying to exchange it with others and i was ready to accept anything in exchange except Orthopedics.
Now i m glad that i got no one who could exchange this rotation. I think this has been one of the best rotations after pediatrics. I have met really excellent people over here, learnt a lot and had a really good time, with one of the very nice person Ayesha:)
So on 3rd of July when i joined it, i was really scared, i heard alot about this rotation that it is one of the toughest and challenging. But things were not so bad i think during this period of two months. I had few of the very best times like.
I was called in OR, i m not a surgery kind of person, people say you only belong to medicine and specifically to pediatrics:P Hahahah i dont know why do they think like this may be i m not strong like surgery people. Anyways i was called in OR for the very first time and my senior said, Murk Will do Burr Hole today… I was nervous and excited too. But when i did it, it was the best feeling i must say…Firs t they asked to carry that drill machine like thing and feel it properly, so i kept my feet onthe paddle and went in.
When the brain was exposed. My consultant asked me “Murk Have you ever touched human brain before” I said No Sir:P. He said Go and touch.. Hahahah so i went there put my finger.. lol. Every body was treating me like a small girl who has come to play or something….:DSo That was one of the best days. I was so so so Happy ..
Second time i went to OR when one of the junior residents was on leave, i was scrubbed and i assisted my senior resident in Laminectomy. I assisted him from the beginning till end and it was really amazing looking through the microscope different parts of spine. They were looking very beautiful hahahahaha…. And then consultant said don,t let Murk See too much in the microscope otherwise she will pursue surgery in future…
And then other happy moment was when we had a very young patient, she underwent two surgeries, she stayed for almost 22 days in the hospital. She was reluctant to get up from bed or sit on chair. My senior asked me to make her go out on wheel chair, I talked to her, convinced her to go out. She finally agreed to go out. And she was happy the next day. I told my senior that i made her go out. He brought chocklates for me:D That was so sweet.
Well, I didnt always have the happy moments over here, there were some times when i did some blunders too, I was really panicky when i mistakenly removed the Canula of a patient when i was asked to remove the CVP.. lol i was so much scared that i m going to be scolded so badly. But surprisingly my senior covered the mistake and luckily patient,s peripheral line was maintained and she could go home on I/V canula.:P
There were also few other mistakes that i did, which better not need to be mentioned, hahahahha because if i do over here i will be screwed.:P
So Neurosurgery has given me one of the best memories. Best times and best people to work with. I got the best seniors too who have always been kind to me. And it is not necessary that if something is giving bad time to one person does same to you:)
I think i will miss it. Specially all the silly things i did.
So I m moving forward, third month is over in private wing internal medicine, I had a really good time there too, I still remember, on 28th Feb 2017 i was sitting in paeds on call room, saying good bye to all great people i worked with in pediatrics, when i got a page from my future senior resident, i replied to it, i was holding back my tears, it was really hard for me to leave paeds and move on to internal medicine, I really wasn’t liking that i wont come here again and will have to work in “Private wing”.
He (My senior resident) told me about the patients that we are going to have, he asked to come earlier, because we had to discharge patients, i asked him to guide me the way to private wing, as i didn’t know about it, stupid of me:P he told me but i didn’t understand what he guided me through:p. I really didn’t like his call at that time, because i didn’t want to leave paeds and move on to internal medicine, not knowing that i will be missing private wing too in coming days, Of course i m not missing it as much as i missed paeds, i cried for paeds, whereas i m not crying for wing:P
So when i went there on first day, everything looked so strange to me, no voice page in wing, things were totally different from floor, no work load as such, we had very few patients initially, not more that 2 to each one of us, whereas i was used to of having so many patients on the floor, people used to say you should be thankful that you dont have patients in wing whereas it was so boring for me.
I had few good events and some bad events too here, well the best thing that happened to me was, i had a patient who had metstatic disease with unknown primary, she went for liver biopsy, i went along with her, when she came back from biopsy, she was in so much pain, i entered her PARA, when she reached in room, i asked staff to give that to her in STAT, staff said, let it come from pharmacy, she was in pain, i ran to pharmacy and brought it for her, which was really a simple act, but she got it and her pain was relieved, so the family thanked me alot for that, although whatever i did was just something that i should be doing, our priority is patient comfort, i could not leave her in pain and wait for pharmacy to dispense it. So, next when we were on round, they specially appreciated me infront of my Senior resident and then while leaving they personally asked if they can be of any help to me, i have been telling them that it was all my responsibility but it was so nice of them.:)
I also had few bad experiences, people have been telling me that when you are working in wing, you just have to counsel patients because they are coming with protocols, so you have consider them all the time, and most of the time they call us uselessly, judge their doctors of how much they know, some people are rude enough to come and shout on the counter, shout out loud. So, sometimes i felt like there shouldn’t be anything like wing, we should treat people equally, why do we have to be so much status conscious all the time? We had a VVIP patient, who asked for paracetamol and it was delayed for sometime because it takes some time to come from pharmacy and processing, so they were so much angry at us, senior resident apologized personally which i really didn’t like, I think we should start treating everyone equally so that people with a very big list of references also learn to be patient, and consider themselves like other common people.
Anyways, I had a really good time at private wing too, specially i liked it when my senior resident said “Murk is my best Intern”, i dont know how much he meant it, but it really matters to me alot,I also liked it when he appreciated me in front of other people saying that she is very good in a way that whatever i say she doesn’t repeat her mistake , i tried my best to be honest with my work, and tried to do it on time.
I m hoping for the best for the month of April, hope i m going to enjoy on the floor:)
SO yes i m back to floor but not of pediatrics, this time its adult medicine:)
Well Hypothyroid Associated myopathy is something that i will never forget in my life>>>>:P I was given this topic to present in PCM that is conducted at the end of each week in pediatric department. I was very much tensed, confused, worried and what not.
It was a new platform for me, i have just joined this place 40 days back, i remember how i used to get confused in presenting CPC and Journal Club back in my Medical College. I used to eat my friends head until it was presented.
Anyways i started preparing for that, and my seniors helped me a lot in preparing this, We knew that this is a little challenging topic and we are to be questioned about it, anyways so the Friday came and i had my call on the same day, so i had double tension of presenting in PCM and having Call.
My presentation was the last one, i was very much confused in the beginning and as i went on i did well, the best thing about this place, people are so nice here that they encourage alot and they really appreaciate you all the time at your efforts , and everything.
I think i presented it well, but they appreciated me alot even more than what i presented, some of the them personally came and appreciated. I also received an appreciation mail and some text messages.
Although i know i m a very bad presenter, I have stage fright and i m not so good at public speaking but they liked it and that is quite surprising for me, at Question answer part i really couldnt respond well, infact i really sucked at that, even then everybody appreciated and that was one of the best days of my internship at paediatric deparment:)
I am really lucky to have these kind of people to work with.
“Well its totally a random pick, random thoughts and random feelings;P”
Love, what it is like to fall in love, We never know, we can never feel, until or unless we have been through this at some point. People say it is okay to have feelings for someone it is natural but how do we actually know that we are in real kind of love, not a timely attraction.?
This is the confusion that remains, there is no criteria to differentiate whether it s the actual one or not.I wish if there was something like that:P.I have seen people going crazy, crying and crying, immersed in emotions, i think it always hurts, it leaves you crippled, your mind freezes and you are no more a normal person.
My description of love is quite abnormal, but this is what i personally think, and it is even weird, when you fall in love with a person who is only being nice with you, who has a little sympathy for you, we take it as something else, knowing that we are wrong and fall for it, this is the worst feeling and it hurts a lot.
Well, when you are being nice, just be that nice that other person doesn’t misunderstand your feelings and fall for it.
Falling in love is one the stupid things…. Keep me saved plzzzz….
Well it seemed a little difficult to work in at a place that is completely new, only people around are bunch of strangers, and You have no idea about your work, so yes things were little in the beginning but as we spent time we got to know about it, and i started to like it gradually, the best thing about working as an intern is you always have a margin to try and make mistakes, because it is just the baby step towards your career,as we level up our responsibilities increase and our margin to make mistakes goes on decreasing.
I remember i was really nervous on my first call, as we didnt have any calls during our student life, we just had our evening clinics till 9 and thats it, so i was nervous and w anted to go home so much , and it was my first day at work, first call ever….:p it didnt start so good, i was supposed to go with a tiny baby for CT scan to radiology, just in case if anything happens or i dont know what, anyways i went there and when they started to ask about baby,s allergies, weight and all, i had no clue if i m suppose to know this so i told them to check the file or ask parents:P WHICH IS SO STUPID OF ME, anyways and then the baby was not sedated she was moving and it was making them hard to perform CT,they were kind of being annoyed i guess, well it started off not so good, but it ended well, because everybody knew we are new so we got the advantage of being new to system, didnt had so much to do….
My first month as an intern has been one of the exciting months, i have made some silly mistakes, but this is how we learn right? And i have got really good seniors to work with, it could have been really difficult to get used to that, so many people quit it, i m sure it is very difficult to manage when you dont have any one to take care of things.
And I have also got really good friends , in the beginning i missed my old friends alot, i reallly didnt like to get separated from them, but this is how life is, we cant be with them always:( but then after sometime i got some really nice new firends and life became a little easier.
Bad thing about it is we dont get our “ME time”, there is just one long weeekend that we get in a month, so i have been kind of disconnected from family and things happening in the world, alothough i was not so much connected before during medical student life but now it is like totally disconnected….
It has been really good time and i m hoping to have some more exciting experience in future worth sharing:P